Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Blue Tack

This room smells of TCP and goals not achieved and that
Disappointed look on the faces of hope,
Is anyone that hopeful these days?
Abrupt and unwelcomed, this stuffed elephant
On the chest makes lungs burn and throats croak,
The tin plate toys of a childhood forgotten look on, crying rusty tears.

A poster of a fluffy kitten slowly crawls
Its way down the donkey’s breakfast wallpaper,
Leaving greasy round marks where the blue tack once
Held fast to the dreams of being something more than the sum of the parts

We were given.

JYoung 2015

Being yourself can be hard sometimes.....

There's something strangely satisfying about finally embracing some of your faults and maybe even discovering that they're not faults at all. Recently I've been accepting some truths about myself that I actually feel are pluses rather than minuses.

I had a run in with some rather unpleasant posh blokes one evening about a month ago. I was just walking home, minding my own business when four very posh sounding 20 something guys walk up behind me and started making very loud, very unpleasant comments about me (not to me I hasten to add). I didn't quite know how to respond so I kept my head down and didn't look as they passed me, laughing their haughty, horsey laughs....

They really made me question my looks, my figure, my dress sense....being referred to as a "fat ugly bitch" by complete strangers really crushed me for a while. It didn't help that I was on a low ebb self confidence wise on that particular day....however, later that night, it made me stop and think hard about how I feel about myself and how the views of others affect me and I came to this realisation:


The funny thing is that the older I get, the happier I seem to be. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now than I've ever been. I went from depressed teenager to confused early 20 something to still confused late 20 something. I'm about to turn 33 in a couple of weeks and my 30's seem to have taught me a lot about who I am, what I like and how I want to live. 
I mean sure, maybe I'm not quite in the the situations I would ideally like to be yet but there's time to work on all those things. There's always time! 

The thing is that those blokes don't know me. They don't know that I've been both bigger and smaller than I am now. They don't know that I'm a kind, caring person who loves helping others. They don't know that I'm hardworking and creative and intelligent. They don't care about any of that because I don't fit into their little pigeon holes of what a woman should be like....but the thing that resonated most for me after thinking a lot about all this stuff is that I DON'T WANT TO BE!!

I'm me. I am what I am and I (mostly) like it.

And at least I don't smell like cheap aftershave, wear middle of the road shirts, chinos and loafers and call my friends "bra" in a lame attempt to be less posh and more cool.... :) 

So to anyone else who has suffered random verbal abuse in the street, here's a hug from me, I think you're awesome how you are xxx


There's always some kind of distraction that makes me not write.
Usually it's because I'm tired or I'm reading something or I'm eating whatever I've bothered to cook/find in the fridge/order from somewhere (mostly it's all three at the same time). 
It's sad because I love writing. 
The process of getting thoughts to words to screen or paper makes me a happier, more well rounded person I think.
So, for probably the billionth time since I started writing this blog all those years ago, I'm going to have another push and see if I can't give birth to some interesting blog posts again.....

Watch this space.

But not too closely as then I'll get stage fright! :) 

Sunday, 22 February 2015

An Armadillo in Paris

Itchy feet.
It lurks in everyone somewhere. 
Even in a little armadillo.

Arlo grows up reading his grandfather’s travel journals and, when he is older, is drawn to Paris to find the mysterious Iron Lady his grandfather talks about. He bravely boards a plane and heads off on an adventure of his own. On his journey he discovers some of the wonders of Paris, the food, the art, the culture.

Arlo is a character you can’t help but warm to. For one thing, he’s just so cute!! I smiled at his wonderment with each new Parisian treat he discovers. I grew excited as he got closer to his goal of meeting La Dame de Fer. With beautiful illustrations that both warm the heart and inspire the imagination, this story can’t help but draw you along on Arlo’s journey and long for an adventure of your own.
I like the attention to detail and the thoughtful nature of this book, especially the facts about The Eiffel Tower (things that I have to admit I didn’t know before I read it!). 
Plus there’s a surprise inside the dust jacket…but I don’t want to spoil it!
I can see this story really appealing to children aged 6 upwards and would work really well as a teaching aid. It’s not just for children though….I’m 32 and I loved it!

I’d say this story is for anyone who longs for adventure and finds wonder in everything. 

An Armadillo in Paris is written and illustrated by the amazing Julie Kraulis and is published by Tundra Books.

Friday, 12 December 2014

It wouldn't be Christmas.......

Staring into gaudy pink glass,
Face distorted,
wide eyes,
huge nose,
small chin,
giant forehead.
A laugh escapes thin lips
And spreads to the face in the next bauble,
Just as contorted and curious
As the first.
Hands bound in green cabled lights,
swearing whilst the end is eternally sought in the
bottom of the box which was packed
so carefully last year, pinecones
and paperchains making their escape.
She’s seen better days, that angel,
Skirt twisted and dusty,
nicotine stained face and hands,
Her 1960’s hairdo more birds nest than beehive....
But without her the tree would be naked

And it wouldn't be Christmas.


Sunday, 7 December 2014

Fear - a poem about my relationship with my Mother

I am afraid.
I am afraid you are looking.
I am afraid you are looking for more.
I am afraid you are looking for more of me than I have.
I am afraid you are looking for more of me than I have to give to you.
I am afraid you are looking for more of me than I have to give to you right now. 

You are afraid. 
You are afraid I am running
You are afraid I am running away.
You are afraid I am running away from you.
You are afraid I am running away from you and your love.
You are afraid I am running away from you and your love for me.

We are afraid.
We are afraid of losing.
We are afraid of losing ourselves.
We are afraid of losing ourselves or each other.
We are afraid of losing ourselves or each other or both.
We are afraid of losing ourselves or each other or both of our minds.

I am afraid.
I am afraid of hurting.
I am afraid of hurting you.
I am afraid of hurting you again.
I am afraid of hurting you again or being hurt.
I am afraid of hurting you again or being hurt by you.

You are afraid.
You are afraid I am gone.
You are afraid I am gone somewhere.
You are afraid I am gone somewhere you can't.
You are afraid I am gone somewhere you can't follow.
You are afraid I am gone somewhere you can't follow me.

We are afraid.
We are afraid it won't.
We are afraid it won't work.
We are afraid it won't work if we try.
We are afraid it won't work if we try to learn.
We are afraid it won't work if we try to learn about each other.

It's ok.
It's ok to be afraid.
It's ok to be afraid of these.
It's ok to be afraid of these things.
It's ok to be afraid of these things we feel.
It's ok to be afraid of these things we feel, or don't.



Life can become a monotonous plod from Monday to Sunday sometimes. Days go by and nothing in particular happens to make it noteworthy. Then the days roll in to weeks and before you know it the year is nearly over. That's not to say that this year hasn't had it's interesting points though.....

Sometimes I just need a nudge to remind me that interesting things are all around me if I look for them and someone reminded me of this...
I signed up to Josie's (@porridgebrain) postcard project....she sent out 40 postcards to different people and each card had something to do written on it. You then had to go and do whatever it said and come back with photographic evidence of your here's mine!

 My tasks for the day.......
 I saw a fish, a face and the number 3...what can you see?
 Me standing under a tree, looking up at the leaves...not sure what's with the silly face though! 
 Circle number one made from white quartz type rocks and different kinds of lichen.
 Circle number two...made in a little stream using rocks found at the edge. Oh, and I saw four human beings, three dogs, two cats and a tiny little wren in a hedge....she was my favourite.
 My thing that I wanted to hide....I've had this keyring very fond of it but thought it was a good thing to leave in a secret place.....
The secret hiding spot.....wonder if anyone will ever find it? 

Big thank you to the lovely Josie for sending me my tasks.
I had a lot of fun!