Saturday, 17 March 2012

Dear Mum

Dear Mum,
Sometimes I find it hard to put into words just how much you mean to me. When I see you I always want to let you know how much I love you and what a beautiful and wonderful person you are but I can never seem to find the right time or the right way to do so. So I thought I'd write it all down. It might not come out quite how I want but I hope you read it and can see all the things I'd like you to...

Over the last few years I feel our relationship has grown a lot stronger. I always really look forward to when we meet up, it makes me very happy to spend time with you. I think I just needed to grow up more before I could understand you the way I do now and to be less self centred than I used to be. I'm sorry for not having done this sooner. 

Having you there when Ella was born was, for me, a real eye opener and a beautiful experience. You made me feel like I could carry on going when my body was telling me I couldn't. I honestly wouldn't have had the wonderful birth I did have if you hadn't of been there. That moment, when Ella was born, made me realise how you feel about me. I'm your daughter, I always will be, even now I'm nearly 30. You have loved me and continue to love me, warts and all. It was only when I became a mum myself that I saw how important it was for me to rebuild our relationship, to show you how much I care about you and how sorry I am for all the upsets over the years. I hope I'm on the way to doing that now and that you know you are loved.

You are one of the hardest working people I have ever known. You always want to do the utmost for others to make their lives better and make them happy, sometimes to the detriment of your own happiness. You keep calm and carry on even when the crap hits the fan and that's something I am always in awe of. I wish you could take more time for yourself, to have the time to do more things that make you happy. I know that's not always the way the world works but I hope somehow, one day, I can do something to make that happen as you deserve it. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I know I have not been a perfect daughter, very far from it at times in my life, but I am trying hard to make up those lost years. I want to be a daughter who makes you proud, who makes you happy and who makes you feel loved and appreciated. 

Happy Mother's Day Mum, I love you.

Julia x

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