Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Who will I be/ do I want to be in my 30's?

A few months ago I wrote a post (see here) about my personal thoughts on the fact I'm soon turning the big 3-0 and I thought it was about time I answered another one of the questions I asked.

Just look at those eye bags! He he!

Who will I be/ do I want to be in my 30's?

I think the easiset way for me to think of this is to break this down into 2 sections, who I think I am now and what I would like to happen in the future....hopefully it'll make sense!

Who I think I am now:
  • mother of three beautiful girls
  • attempting to live a fulfilling life with PTSD and anxiety problems
  • medicated to get by on a day to day basis
  • loving, caring and compassionate person
  • friendly and fun/funny
  • lucky and also unlucky
  • creative but frustrated
  • holding all my anger inside
  • lacking a real sense of purpose/drive
  • eclectic in taste/style
  • seem outwardly confident but inwardly vomiting into my boots
  • slightly addicted to peanut butter
  • good at making things with my hands (and occasionally my feet!)
  • love social media but have little idea of what it all really means
  • wanting to do more with my life
What I would like to happen: 
  • I want to have more confidence in myself and my decisions
  • to not feel so utterly rubbish so much of the time (i.e. get more on top of my conditions)
  • get out and about more
  • to realise I have some skills and use them for something good
  • not to beat myself up about small things
  • realise that being a nice person CAN really bring amazing things
  • make more things, it makes me happy
  • improve my fitness and therefore hopefully have a better immune system
  • see my friends less sporadically
  • try more new things - new foods, new places, new experiences
  • not be scared of change, that's a biggie!
  • go on some kind of arts related course, I think it'd be good for me
  • use my camera more, taking pictures is very theraputic!
  • make where I live more how I would like it to be instead of ok enough to put up with
  • do some kind of volunteering, in a charity shop or something like that

It's always hard making realisations about myself, especially the really deep honest ones. I know how I'd really like to be and that in many ways I'm not that far off it but in others I seem miles and miles away. I'm not entirely sure how to go about making some of those things happen but having written them down it's sinking in that they're all things I could and hopefully will make happen :)

I love how positivity can come out of something that started out feeling a bit crappy....good stuff!

What things about yourself would you love to change? Have you found yourself questioning yourself in a similar way before a birthday? :)

1 comment:

  1. I just turned 30 a couple of months ago so can relate to some of these.  I think the thing for me is that so much really did change between 20 and 30; 30-40 just seem like it's going to drift by being mostly the same.  But we definitely have a choice in that and it's clear from your list that you don't want that either.  Great goals.  I found you via Blow Your Own Blog Horn.  

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